With no retribution, this will not end in a blood-smeared smile for the camera. There is no gone girl plot twist, no shock, no misdirection, no sleight of hand.
No call to action.
There is no neon sign telling you when to applaud. No laugh track to fill the empty silence (but you can still laugh, trust me. I’m funny).
Life isn’t a movie. It’s boring. You wait, you suffer, you deal.
But for now…
It’s just us here.
If this blog was a stage, I would tap the microphone like “is this thing on?”
Ladies and Gentlemen, are you ready, are you all here?
You can exit stage left if you want…Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Action.
If this was a movie, I’d be the villain. Unless you’re asking my opinion, of course, but you aren’t, are you? You’ve never said a word but can’t help but compare – the pipeline is too strong.
Insert a side eye glance, maybe a cut-screen clip.
Conspiracy theorists would love it, we’d help draw string diagrams like apophenia, when someone starts to see connection in unrelated things. You know, dark basements and red yarn? Apophenia: one of many common symptoms of psychiatric dysfunction.
Seems like you know all about that.
Let’s set the scene.
“Type cast clever”? Ugh. Your character would hate that girl’s guts. How can they not? I could write script for hours based on love, but why bore the audience? They already know. So do you - slipping into fall still suffering from my summer solstice.
I don’t have to write a word.
Why explain what you’ve already seen? What you’ve already read. What you already feel. Aren’t you worried that it will all be tainted by what he already decided he doesn’t want?
The moral of the story? Comparison is an act of violence against thyself, of course. But I swear the footprints you’re following weren’t so melodramatic when I made them.
There may be no retribution, but if this was a series, we’d count on quick revenge. This situation would be wrapped up within the hour – by who? It really depends.
Add in a sunset scene with sunglasses as I drive off far far away.
Maybe this IS a Gone Girl thing after all. It’s starting to sound a little Gillian Flynn.
I refuse to dye my hair that ugly brown color, though - Rosamund Pike looked better as a blonde.
Wait, could this be how I disappear?
If this were a book, I’d throw it away due to the character development.
If this were a podcast, I’d fall asleep from the monotony.
If this were real life I would...
I would…I should…
Disappear?
As you’ve gathered, i’m not one for the background. Picture me more of a main character; ever since playing Kaa (the snake - many of my lines were “ssssss”) in my 3rd grade production of “The Jungle Book”, I have been just another child star bred for the limelight.
(laugh)
It’s high time to disappear, but you know I can’t stomach the thought of becoming a bit character.
If this was a movie, i’d be the protagonist. Or something like that.
She’d at least have a name not hidden like a secret. I’m not saying she’d be great but at least she’d be interesting.
Maybe then i’d want to watch.
That would be good…it would be better.
Would… would…should.
Life isn’t a movie but I’m starting to understand why there’s a strike.
If this were a stage, I’d shout “Thank you, Thank you. You’re all too kind”
Blow kisses. Get the hell out. Take my makeup off and become someone else.
I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. This plot is poorly written and un-realistic.
No normal person would do this, no sane person would stay!
But i’m stuck...I can’t even figure out how to leave the stage.
Okay, go ahead.
(applause)
Enhance your reading experience with today’s Blog pairing menu:
Catchy Tune: Attention - Doja Cat
Light bev: Chilled prosecco