The irony hangs as heavy as this Insta DM crafted for the guy I ghosted three years ago. Each word feels bloated. Burdensome to type, awkward to read.
“Hey! I know this was forever ago, but…”
“You may not even remember this but…”
“Once you showed me this article…” about how certain words were more pleasurable to say than others. “I’ve been trying to google what I can remember for days” but still can’t seem to get it right.
Cringey with catharsis, it’s admittedly not my best work.
Sorry, A. You deserve(d) better.
Phonosemantics, phonoaesthesia -sound symbolism.
Could it be that i’ve been searching for the connection between sounds and their meanings? Go ahead and liken what I’m looking for to linguistics and psychology but at its core he was showing me that certain words fill our pleasure centers; releasing dopamine with the simple shapes our mouths make. The way tongues press against teeth. The thought that some words can satisfy you by simply existing.
Words like fuck. love. cunt.
You spit them out. You scream them.
Whisper. Shout.
Lexicology. The study of words.
Etymology. The study of word origin.
Spend enough time focusing on mycology and suddenly this makes a lot more sense, suddenly synesthesia isn’t just a word, but an action.
My writing is not just a verb but another step in your chain reaction.
After all my googling I still can’t find the right information. I’m still sitting stuck, learning how stupid sounds inspire stupid feelings.
And let’s be honest, the last thing I need is more feelings.
If you’re wondering why the message was even ironic in the first place, it’s because at the time it made no sense that a word could truly be ‘more’ pleasurable than his brethren. That changed later.
Later, when your name tasted different than the other words that helped form its sentence. A combination of consonants and vowels enveloped by my lips and formed by my tongue. Google says that’s called euphonious.
It probably wasn’t the realization he was hoping for when he showed me his interesting article.
Google says that’s called unlucky.
Like I said, he deserved better.
Let’s break it down, I’ll do my best.
The ‘b’ sound makes your lips form a barrier, suggesting all-encompassing and surrounding. The double ‘oo’ that follows suggests power with repetition and mimics the sound of wind. Spooky.
And with that you get “Boo”.
Get it? I simply had no choice.
Irony intact, some words can satisfy you by simply existing, but if you strain, you can hear words once screamed now un-harmoniously whispered.
And after spending so long fighting for it, I won’t assist in hiding it.
So, three years ago I gave it a try, but now I know that ghosting doesn’t really fit my vibe. By the way, he did reply -
He doesn’t remember the article.
Lost: Article about words. If found, please return.
Enhance your reading experience with today’s Blog pairing menu:
Feature film: Burning (2018)