The sun will still rise
Just love me and eat me
Somebody that I used to know once told me “no matter what happens, the sun will still rise the next morning”. He was trying to be inspirational. Share his wisdom through words that could be remembered and drawn upon.
Keep going. The sun will rise. Rah-rah-motivational-whatever-bullshit that sounds like it would be written on the inside of a dove wrapper.
You’d read it absentmindedly before crumbling it up and shoving it in your mouth.
The chocolate, not the wrapper.
The irony here lies in the fact that a few years later, he hung himself.
You’re probably thinking ‘but the sun still rose the next morning’
And yeah, I guess it did - just not for him.
And that’s something I never really got over.
This isn’t about chocolate wrapper proverbs, but i’d love it if it was.
I can make it be if you want.
I haven’t really written in a while, but what better time to pick things back up than from a doubletree at 5am. If you’re questioning why I would be there, you’re not the only one. But It’s probably not about that either.
Or maybe it is.
Usually after writing, I go over each sentence with a fine-tooth comb, trying to remove the word “I”. I re-write. I re-phrase. I, I, I. Chuck Palahniuk says there’s more interesting ways to say something then referring to yourself. But not this time, this time it’s about me.
I make everything about me.
That’s how I like it (there it is again, sneaking it’s way back in. Another boring sentence. Another boring I). But don’t we all do that? My world revolves around me. Your world, it revolves around you. I’m probably a supporting role, but really, you’re the star. And here? Baby it’s me. It’s always been me.
I mean that in the way it sounds.
But, I digress.
I was lying in a doubletree somewhere in the Midwest at 5am. I woke up. And yeah, the sun still rose. It rose in the way it does when it brought along carry-on baggage.
Heavy carry-on baggage.
So, you wake up and for the first few minutes you feel fine.
It's only after, when you remember the bad stuff, that it hits you.
You do your mental checklist after opening your eyes -
Wait, where am I? Oh. A doubletree. Somewhere in Missouri.
Who is this? What’s going on?
The realizations rise like the sun. They always do.
Unless, you know. They don’t.
But for me, they do.
It’s not like the realizations are that bad, they just are.
Today they were heavy. They are heavy.
Sometimes, in this situation, they are warm like the sun that rose them.
They engulf me once the alarm goes off (and is subsequently snoozed). Realizations like tiny kisses reminding me that every part of me is good.
Remember? This is about me, after all.
But today they are heavy.
Heavy like airport goodbyes and breaks, unspecified. Heavy like something doesn’t feel right and tiny kisses making me cry.
Heavy like…knowing i’m using too many i’s.
But, hey.
Atleast the sun will still rise.
to be continued.
probably.
Enhance your reading experience with today’s Blog pairing menu:
Feature Film: Bones and All
lil’ Snack: Insomnia snickerdoodle